omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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