just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
