ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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