he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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