you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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