What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
