planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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