she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
