my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
