It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
