its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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