Christians are straight up FREAKS
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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