There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
