She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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