in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
