so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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