there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
