my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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