it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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