I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
