We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
