Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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