Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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