i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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