There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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