woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sext me about skeletons
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work