My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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