just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.