maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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