after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
