The maid of honor just puked.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
