the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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