I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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