we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
