Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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