Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
