It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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