Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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