I just threw up on my dentist
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
