I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
