Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
