If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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