whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
