I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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