i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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