dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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