ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do vagina's smell?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
