Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
