remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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