I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
