Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
