OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
this is an emotional support booty call
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
