It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
