I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
