i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
why do cheetos always look like penises
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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