I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
North Korea, Best Korea!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
