when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
