hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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