Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
