Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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