Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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