I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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