saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She said her name was "party"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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