he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
