How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
