I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize