her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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