well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
