OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
