she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's official drugs can't kill me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
