I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
