One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
