considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
