You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
