I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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