Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
