Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
